I hate my dad. forgiving is easy.. the first time.. then when more shit happens and you realize that they really don't see you or value you.. you just don't even care anymore.

I will post more ranodom pictures later... How cool is that! I am excited about life right now. I got tickets to go to Florida for $27 YEP ROUND TRIP for TWENTY SEVEN DOLLARS! So I am in Florida staying with my best friend and her family. I am the maid of honor and we are doing wedding stuff. I am also moving here sometime in the very near future and I am working out details. I meet with the lady that I met from roomates.com in the morning and I am really excited. She seems really nice. She is in her 50's and has two sons my age (single she was quick to point out.. lol)

So, I will be posting on here to keep people updated and let you all know what the plans are. So, if you have any questions: drop me a line!

Sarah Love

I played too!! and ummm.. ewwww... lol

It's funny cause my first thought of course was my dad.. then I thought. WAIT, he has never said sorry. I wonder if that would make a difference. BUT then I think, it really doesn't matter I have forgiven him. I figured out with my friend Eric that forgiveness means: I get to move on and they get to live with the consequences. WOW... moving on is amazing, It has been wonderful. It makes me realize just how much Audrey really loves me. I asked her and TD one time what they would give me if they could give me anything, TD said, patients. and Audrey said forgiveness. I have the forgiveness and WOW that is an amazing gift. As far as that patients, I am still impatiently waiting for it. :)

I always wanted to be Scarlett Ohara..... dorky I know. I just love being a woman and I feel that Scarlett was all that AND still be a very strong woman. I am so weird about it, I have watched the movie about 15 times...

Money, Money, Money Abba (I LOVE them by the way!!)

My car's name is Bertha!

Leave me a comment, and I'll:

1. Tell you why I friended you.

2. Associate you with something - fandom, a song, a color, a photo, etc.

3. Tell you something I like about you.

4. Tell you a memory I have of you.

5. Ask something I've always wanted to know about you.

6. Tell you my favorite user pic of yours.

7. In return, you can post this in your LJ if you want to

I think that as far as life changing they would be..

1. Going home from Arby's and going to bed for three days and not caring if I lived anymore.. Changed my life cause I did get up and then I went to therapy.

2. Going to Walmart to buy M&M's for a friend and hearing a little girl say "OMG, look at that woman she is so fat"
Changed my life cause I decided to look at that woman and OMG she does need to loose weight and JOIN LIFE.. (more on that later!)

3. Hearing Audrey say that if I have a habit of just leaving when things get tough then she doesn't want to be my friend or have me in her babies life.
Changed my life because I didn't want to be that person anymore.

ummm... nothing.. I always thought that was kind of stupid cause then I would just have to clean it up...

Do you consider yourself a success?

depends on if you mean.. vanilla, lifestyle or just plain being at home.

Matt

I have been dipping.. but it wasn't skinny!!

I was reading this article...

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/404193/a_closer_look_at_bdsm_collars_and_what.html
and saw this paragraph and that damn straight. So I wanted to post it.

"Velcro Collar: Most of us who are in some version of the real time BDSM call it that because of the easy on and easy off attitude. What such a person however seldom seems to realize is that those with Velcro Collars are seldom respected in the BDSM Lifestyle Community. If you are Mistress or Master today, collared to so and so tomorrow and the next day you are nothing just to return to being collared by another a week later and then suddenly return to dominance all the while wearing various collars from various people, you are a laughable and very pathetic human being. Those types are plentiful and sadly are one of the causes of ridicule for us."

Interesting thought.

I went to dinner with my grandparents and my sister, brother and oh yeah my dad was there. It was actually scary when I saw him. In the past few months he had lost a lot of weight and was looking like a frail old man. He has been going to the dr a lot and has put on a lot of weight. When I walked into the restaurant and saw him it took my breath away. I was actually scared. I held my sisters hand. I think that going through more and more memories. (My Aunt Dorene sent me a video from when we were kids) and then seeing him look like I remember him looking like, was just to much. I decided to just.. ignore him. It was hard but I got through it.. Now, I know that there are those of you that know the story about my dad and are thinking "why the hell did she go to dinner" well, I was thinking.... my grandparents and getting up there in years, they live in Michigan and they come down here about twice a year. I was thinking, if they pass away and I don't get to see them again and it is because I am trying to avoid contact with my dad then I would be really upset. SO, I made a decision... no more seeing my dad... be it a holiday, an event with other people in my family etc. Until I am finished with the therapy that it is taking to fix what he broke.. I am just going to ignore him. AND.. I realized the other day that I have kept all of the invoices from paying for therapy. I think that when I finally confront my parents I am going to hand them the whole stack and say. "This is what you need to pay me back for all of the damage you did. You owe me $_______."

I haven't posted in a while. I am doing well. I started a house cleaning thing, it's called Love's Cleaning. So far I have 6 houses with 2 more who are getting back to me. It is very excited I started on Feb 14th so to have that many houses that quick is very exciting.

I remember when I told TD and Audrey that I wanted to do it. They said it was a great idea and they would be happy to help. THEN.. THEY DID.. wow. I have two amazing people in my life. TD designed these fliers for me to put on mailboxes then he helped me hang them and then someone called! It was so scary to go out there and do the estimate. It took like 45 mins because I was to afraid to ask for the money. Tonight I went to a ladies house and did an estimate and it took 15 mins! I went in told her what I would do and how much I would charge and BAM I was done. It was great. The confidence levels that I have been feeling lately are just huge. It is amazing what you can do with your life when you have people in the background that are saying. "Of course you can do that, I knew it all along"

My Therapist told me that good parents hold their children's hands until their children see that they can do it on their own. It is so nice to have to people one on each side holding my hands.

from various peoples...


Ego tripping
If you were able to spend one night with me, what 5 things would you want to do?

1.
2.
3.
4.
5.

Repost this in your journal and see what people want to do with you!

Sometimes you don't know how much you love someone till you think about them NOT being there. You go on about your daily life doing all of the duties and mundane things that have to get done. Sometimes you don't look at the people around you twice because you take for granted that they will always be there. Lately people in my life have had things happen that have made me look at them and say, "I am glad you are in my life" so, I thought (though a broad thing like this doesn't seem as special as someone looking you in the eyes and saying it) If you are on my live journal there is a reason. I know that there are those of you that read my journal because you want to keep in contact, there are those that read it because they want to see how therapy is going, and there are those of you that just read it cause it pops up when you hit the friend button. Whatever the case, thank you for being a part of my life and having a part in who I am becoming. Reading the replies to my other post made me realize that I have a wonderful life and that there are a LOT of people that I am GLAD are in it.

Those of you who know me know that I strive to be a positive person. I just think that there is a LOT of negative in the world today and there has to be a combat for those things. So I ask you today... Who are YOU glad is in your life today? Did you tell them today? Try it... it's pretty cool!